I started the year with much joy and excitement. I prayed, I shared with fellow believers and family, I planned. I couldn’t wait to see how God was going to work in my life this year. My heart was so full of expectations and hope.
As I had envisioned, the year started out magnanimously. From dreams to cases, I saw and felt God opening the doors as I began to step into my purpose. Two, three weeks went by in a fervor. Then only a few weeks in, I found myself regressing back to my old self. I was settling into being a lawyer with a small practice trying to make ends meet. I came right back to where I had thought I was jumping off from in a great leap of faith. My old colleagues were asking, “Are you all settled back in?” “Are you getting more cases?” I’m not sure if I wanted to settle back in and try to get more cases. Is that the concern of my day again?
Around this time, I had a dream where I saw my grandfather and my youngest uncle, both of whom had passed away. They were talking to themselves and I was merely there watching them. I don’t know what they were saying but I knew they weren’t talking about anything fun. Their expressions looked gloomy. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling kind of uneasy. I wondered why I had seen my deceased grandfather. He never appears in my dreams. We were never that close when he was alive. Then, I remembered my youngest uncle had also passed away a couple of years ago. Then I kinda got freaked out and prayed. I couldn’t sleep much that night.
The next day, I told my mom about the dream and she told me to have a safe drive to and from work. She believed that seeing deceased people in dreams was not a good thing. I needed to be careful.
The night I spoke to my mom, I had a dream where she, my mom, was sitting with her back towards me. I was sitting on her side and hugging her. I kissed her shoulder and was being playful, telling her that it’ll be ok. I don’t know if I was comforting her for her problems or telling her I would be ok when she was concerned about me. I didn’t tell my mom about this dream. I didn’t want to freak her out.
I told my husband and a friend about the dreams. My friend told me that seeing deceased people in dreams is a warning sign. They’re trying to tell me something. Hmm… So, I prayed and read the Bible. I asked God if He is trying to tell me something. What is it God?
During the same week while I had these dreams, the most pressing issue in my life was money matters. Having come back to my own practice, I was worrying about how to make all the payments, the mortgage, the office expense, insurance, bills on top of bills. I calculated the exact amount that I needed in the next seven days and prayed about it. I brought it to God and said, “God, you know what I need.” And I thanked Him.
The next morning, I was listening to one of my favorite speakers, Dr. Ravi Zacharias (First Conference 2017). He was speaking of finding your purpose and living it out. He quoted Darwin saying that the two most important days of your life are: (1) the day you were born and (2) the day you found out why. ‘How appropriate,’ I thought, since I was embarking on this journey about stepping into my purpose. Then a light bulb went on in my head.
I had decided to stop living in the periphery and live my life in the Bull’s eye. I had decided to live out my purpose as a writer and a speaker to help others learn, grow, and in turn, for them to empower others. I had decided to walk away from being an attorney full time to live out my purpose. But as soon as I began the journey, I had fallen right back into my old lifestyle, my old habits. I was falling into being who I was before, merely living in the periphery again. My head was full of how to make ends meet, how to bring new clients, and how to make more money. What am I doing?! This is exactly what I decided not to do. This is exactly what I decided to walk away from. The more I went back to my old habits, the more I felt burdened and oppressed. I think this feeling caused me to dream such dreams and perhaps, like what my mom and friend told me, those dreams came to give me a warning. STOP! Don’t fall into the trap again. This is what you just escaped from. If I continue on this path, I will be right back where I started, never living out my purpose.
I reminded myself that I am to live out my purpose every day, not a part of the day, not when Ihad time or when I felt like it. I am to do the things that I am created to do every day. Then, God will reward me. He will reward me with heavenly currency. He will reward me with what I exactly need, whether that is money, loving relationships, the right people, whatever my need is, God will pay me with my needs when I live out my purpose. He is my boss. In business term, He is my first and foremost , VIP client and I am to do His case first every day. And He will pay me double, triple, in tenfold because He is the best client: the client who pays without me having to send out bills.
Isn’t that just like our God who pays for something we’re supposed to do anyway? Remember the story in Exodus where Moses’ mother gets paid to nurse Moses, her own son? When Moses was born, there was an edict from Pharaoh that all newborn Hebrew boys were to be drowned in the river. Moses’ mother hid Moses for three months and when she could not hide him anymore, she made a basket and cast him in the Nile River. Moses’ sister, Miriam, followed the basket to see what would happen to it. The basket came to a place in the river where Pharaoh’s daughter was bathing. When Pharaoh’s daughter opened the basket and found Moses, she felt sorry for him and decides to rescue him. At this moment, Miriam calls out to Pharaoh’s daughter and the conversation goes like this:
“Then his sister asked Pharaoh’s daughter, “Shall I go and get one of the Hebrew women to nurse the baby for you?”
“Yes, go,” she answered. So the girl went and got the baby’s mother. Pharaoh’s daughter said to her, “Take this baby and nurse him for me, and I will pay you.” So the woman took the baby and nursed him.” (Exodus 2:7-9 NIV)
So, Moses’ mother nurses her own son and gets paid for it. God pays us for something we are supposed to do!
I decided to put my theory, my faith into practice. I decided to do His case above all other cases. Every day, before I open my business emails, before I review other cases, I will live out my purpose first. I will write, practice speaking, teach and equip before I start working on other cases. I will treat my purpose as though it is the case for my most important Client. I know how good this Client is. I know His infinite goodness, love, and generosity. He will pay me with the heavenly currency incomparable to any worldly currency. Because I know that my God will meet all my needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19 NIV)
And this is why I can envision a world where we get paid to do what we are created to do.