Priscilla

14.06.2020

From: Priscilla <priscilla@tekton.com>
Date: Sun, June 14, 2020 at 11:45 AM
Subject: Hey
To: Paul <paul@purplefabrics.com>

 

Paul,

I know you're my friend and you mean well.

But you're not being fair.

Luke is a good guy.

I know it's hard for you to see him that way.

 

Of all the people, you know how things have been with me and Aquila.

Growing up, I wanted nothing more than a man to take care of me.

You know what I envied most when I was in college?

Every month, I would hear my roommates calling their dads and asking for money.

I mean, it's more like, telling their dads how much money they needed for the month.

And the money would come.

 

As for me, I never had such luxury.  

I worked for everything, my rent, gas, tuition, everything.

I worked on campus, off campus, work study.  Got some grants, some scholarships and did everything on my own.

I dreamed of having a husband one day whom I can depend on.  Whom I can ask for money.  Whom I can depend on.

I dreamed of a husband who would make the big decisions, who would take me to places, who would take care of me.

I dreamed of a husband who would be the breadwinner of our family and my work would just supplement his income.

 

When we got married, I gave Aquila the reigns and made him the head of our household.

I didn't want to be so independent anymore.  For the first time in my life, I wanted to depend on someone.

After we got married, we moved to a house closer to his work.

I didn't mind the commute.

When I quit, I relied on him to find a place to start our business.

I relied on him to find the advertisers, to negotiate with the customers, find the reliable subcontractors.

Of course, I was the president of the company since I have the contractor's license.

But I followed his advice for all aspects of the business.

I thought I was doing the right thing, as a woman.

I wanted him to be the head and for me to step back a little and help him lead.

 

Exactly 4 years after our marriage, I knew I couldn't rely on him anymore.

I could not rely on his advices anymore.

He ran the company into debt.

He was constantly spending, advertising, buying... buying for the company and buying for our house.

He had a room in our company but he did not work.

He ran up costs and I worked to pay for those costs.

He had no concept of working hard, starting from the bottom.

He spent money without planning, without considering how it would all have to be paid.

He bought a humongous TV with a whole surround sound system, he brought home a convertible BMW, all without consulting with me first.

He took out equity loans from our house behind my back.

Now that I'm writing this to you, it makes me wonder if I made him that way by giving him the reign in the first place...

 

I stopped trusting his advices.

Well, I stopped asking.

I told myself that I had to rely on myself to make the right decisions.

I kept working.

I let him be.  I didn't care.

From time to time, I would tell him to get a job, that he didn't even have to make a lot of money, even a couple of thousand dollars a month will do.

But what I hadn't realized was that, once people get used to a certain lifestyle, not working regular hours, not working for a real employer, you can't change that all of a sudden.  He had lost his ability to work like a regular person.  I suppose I contributed to that as well...

 

Then, you know Paul?

Once a woman stops respecting a man, she can no longer lie with him and give herself to him.

Well, at least that was how I felt.

I stopped sleeping with him.

I slept with our kids in their room.  
Now that I think about it, he never asked me to come sleep with him.  Guess he didn't mind the separate rooms.

It's been like that for a while.

And it's comfortable now.

 

Luke is gentle.

He reminds me of caramel. Soft, sweet, warm.

That's how it felt when he kissed me.

I won't tell you anymore.  I know you don't want to hear it.

 

But Paul, is this so wrong?

Can't I, I mean, don't I deserve love?  Can't I have it?

You know I work so hard.  I do everything for my company and my family, my kids.

Luke makes me so happy.  As corny as it sounds, he makes me feel like a woman again.

Aquila couldn't please me the way Luke can.  He makes me melt into him.

 

I... 

Maybe this is just a fling or maybe this is more.

Is this really that wrong?

 

Priscilla~

 

 

 

 

 

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Los Angeles • Jeannie@ienvisionaworld.com

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